Saturday, March 10, 2012

On finding yourself in a strange place. But it feels like home nonetheless.

Have you ever had that "I just don't belong here" feeling? When you just feel like you've been dropped by some spaceship in a peculiar, alien-filled world and you just feel lost and helpless? I got that too damn often for the past years. For the past four years to be particular.

As it (college) finally comes to a wrap this April (yay! that's just three weeks from now!!) I've come to come up to a brief conclusion to my why's. I've always asked why am I graduating from this course. God sent me D as an answer. He just found himself into my life when I was intending to transfer to another school or program. The moment I learned about his depression, a huge light bulb in my head went on. He is the reason why I'm here. (yeah, chizbolz) Next, what did I lack? Confidence, assertiveness, and motivation. All my life I struggled to get just a wee bit of those skills. I got more than a "wee bit" now.  And last, and most importantly, why was I thrown into this world that's far from the life I lived in? I had to discover myself and learn. Basically I had to adjust with myself, not adjust for myself. I had to skip a few things, a few habits, escape from a lot of people, because I knew that's not who I am and not the people I want to be with. I veered away from doing a lot of things that I had to  ditch my norms and "follow" everyone else and believe in what everyone else does. I lacked identity. 

Bottom point: If you just want to end your overall search for your identity, take up Psychology. Just kidding. But that sure helped a lot. 

Ah, four years. Ending soon. Starting another phase in my life. Let this be good.

1 comment:

  1. Good luck to the new phase of our lives. Congratulations in advance, Ran!

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