Let's face it: Material things can make people happy

Hello. I'm on Sick Leave and I'm glad I have the time to blog about something that has made me happy, albeit I hate getting sick and not being capable of going to work because my joints do not seem to work.

I promised my parents I'd get them--us--a new fridge since our old one has been working hard for us for 20 years already, look at this poor thing...

Aww...

I promised to get them a new fridge once I get my thirteenth month pay, however, that was Christmas time, so it was quite difficult not to spend some of my Christmas bonus. Ha-ha! Good job, Ran! So much control over yourself!

That awful feeling called nostalgia

Lately, I have been rummaging my now word-and-photo-wasteland-of-a-blog. I also tried searching my username on that blog site and found a lot of cutesy photos, a photo of me in just underwear, and lots of sappy love notes that made (and can still make) me feel a lot more beautiful than I am. This one, for example, never fails to make me smile:

I am still, and I think I always will be, amazed with how this guy plays with words. He just has a gift for it! And I'd always be grateful to him for putting in such pretty words together just for me.

But I also remind myself, how these pretty words left me feeling betrayed.

If you truly love someone, and you know it deep inside of you, you know you should not even try to hurt that person. Not even imagine it. Not even think of it in the first place.

Awkward girl with random thoughts

"Look at those lovely love birds, holding hands, they're almost necking in the middle of the street. Why? Oh dear lawd! Oh you guys are gunna break up someday. Yes, and you'd totally regret doing so much PDA, eww.

Oh, such beautiful boobies!

Such fine ass! ..ugghh, but the face...

That is a cute dress!

Ugly shoes!

I miss my friends (highschool friends, online friends, "friends" I haven't met in real life yet). I wish we can hang out again.

I want to do a photoshoot with my ~ghurlsz~ again.

I remember that photographer who liked me and actually store my photos on his porn folder!

I need money.

I need money for a new phone.

I need money for new tattoos.

Food.

Money.

Food."

That is basically how my mind goes everyday. It goes in all directions. My thoughts are so hard to collect. So hard to concentrate on just a single thought. I can't keep up with my head most of the time. So...

Here's another year coming to a halt and here I am doing a recap!

A whirlwind of events, a whirlwind of emotions as well. This year changed me in so many ways! Both beautiful and drastic changes in nature. Changes that built me up and broke me up (in several pieces), but there's more that built me up. I'm a tougher kid now! And I should also stop calling myself a kid, since I turned twenty this year.

Of all the changes, two things stayed constant: the Monster called regret and the Angel called hope which practically saved my sanity throughout the year. It's as if I constantly had a monster eating me up for everything that I've done when I shouldn't have and everything that I've not done when I should have (I got more of the latter by the way). But, I--like all beings--had to cling to hope, because that's what keeps us going.

On with the recap!

So you say actions speak louder than words?

How come when you're hurt you say "I just want an apology." Really? Just that then you're fine? I am certain an apology would not be enough.

Y'know, some people are just too fucking courteous that they would know when to throw an apology. Okay, okay, a sorry would do... But just for petty things. Like accidentally stepping on my foot, pushing me hard out of the train, spilling your drink on me... Apologize and you'll be forgiven.

Getting really hurt is a different thing though. An apology would be nice, thank you for being courteous, but what you'd really be looking forward to is if the actions that will follow would match the apology.